I was able to form life-long relationships and intergrate myslef into a asociety that was very distince to mince. In addtion, this accomplishment shows that I do not easily back down from a challenge. I was able to attend High School away from home,over a thousand miles away. Even when I knew no one and felt homesick I was able to follow through and continue only for my benefit. This accomplishment thus shows that I can accept a challenge and surpass those adversities that lie in my path. This accomplishment may have taken away many of my comforts such as living with my family and living with people that I was used to, it showed and related to me as it represents who I am and what it is that I want in life.
I would greatly enjoy your critique and feedback on this excerpt from my essay
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1 comment:
I think some of your words are too fancy. Integrate, for example, sounds too mature. I'd just say "join" or "become a part of." Keep the wording simple for this. It is creative not academic writing.
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